Think about the last time you felt emotional pain. Perhaps the last time was about a second ago or a fairly long time ago, regardless, put yourself back there for a moment. Was your body okay while you were feeling that pain? Were any parts of you bleeding or falling off? Were you able to feel emotional pain but still go to the bathroom, walk and talk?

Emotional pain is not like physical pain. Though it can dampen your desire to do things such as eat, walk, talk, function, but it does not prevent you from actually doing those things. While physical pain is sometimes a signal that something is very wrong, this is not exactly the case with emotional pain. That is why you do not need to be afraid of emotional pain. It is not going to kill you. It is not going to cripple you. It is not going to blind you. It does hurt but with no real harm to your body.

Emotional pain is different from physical pain in another way. Physical pain often needs outside intervention to make it go away. You may need to take pain reliever, change your diet, consult a doctor, have an operation, bandage the wounded part etc. Emotional pain will go away if you feel it. Often you have to do nothing else. But if you do not feel, it can linger for a lifetime while you take many actions to avoid feeling it.

This means that when you feel anxiety about feeling heartache and worry about how you are going to make it go away and try to make plans about how you are going to alter circumstance, situations and people so that you stop feeling pain, STOP. Remind yourself that nothing bad will happen if you feel pain and it will subside after you allow yourself to feel it. You don’t need to do anything to deal with emotional pain. Instead, you need to be with it.

Deal with emotional pain by delving into it, making friends with it, feeling it until it stops and you are on the other end of it. If you able to do this then there will be gold on the other end. Imagine the freedom you would have if you were no longer afraid of feeling the emotional pain.

If you are single you would be willing to get out there and date more, because you know that you could tolerate the pain of rejection and the pain of not meeting the right person. Or perhaps you could remain single and stay happy, knowing that you could tolerate the pain of loneliness.

If you are in a relationship that is heading nowhere, you would either be more patient because you know you could tolerate the pain of waiting, or you would get out of it because you know that you could tolerate the pain of letting go and being alone.

If you are in a long term relationship, you would perhaps speak up for yourself more because you know that you could tolerate the pain of your partner’s rejection or displeasure with you. Or perhaps you would get closer to your partner because you know that you could tolerate the anxiety you would feel in allowing someone to get close to you.

If you are going through a breakup, you could allow the relationship to end because you would know you can tolerate the grief and sorrow of letting go and the temporary loneliness.

Do you see the power you could have over your emotional life if you are able to tolerate emotional pain rather than being afraid of it? It can be truly astounding how much easier and more peaceful life becomes when you are no longer afraid of feeling pain.

It’s true that no one wants to feel any emotional pain, but as it is a part of life and unavoidable, better to know that you can tolerate it and get through it then to be afraid of it.

Accept emotional pain and you have much to gain.